Encouraged

Avi took down 2+ ounces of formula! I stood to hold her and she drank it down like a little goat with her chin way up in the air. Then, Van sat her up on the couch, and she drank some more. She is also preferring to gum down solid green beans, bananas and muffins (!) rather than baby food mush. Go figure.

All of us are under one roof tonight. I don't think that any of us like to be apart for very long, although Cade asked me to go to a store tomorrow so that he can have special time with Daddy. I understand--I married a good man. I'm going to take the opportunity to buy some zebra fabric and re-cover a chair. The giraffe print is pretty cool and matches our decor a little better, but it is just hard to beat zebra.

We're taking little steps here and there to get ready for the transition, although we're still not sure what to expect. The speed at which this is happening is crazy fast. My sister has already Fed-Exed the goods back to UT Southwestern.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Phil 4:8 I've been trying to filter my thoughts through this. I'm trying to highlight the sweet part of the day instead of the difficult encounter or sadness. I never can remember quite how the verse goes, so I try to think about if my thoughts are helpful or harmful and if it is all about me and my little world or the Father. Our lesson on Sunday included the question, "If all your prayers were answered, would your world change, or would THE WORLD change?" Oooohhh, good one, Jim.

Van, Avi and I just returned from UT Southwestern in Dallas. (The boys are with my sister's family in Houston--I'll pick them up tomorrow.) We were pleased with the doctor and the staff at the bone marrow transplant center, and very thankful for Van's mom holding Avi for the 3-hour appointment. My sister is being sent a blood collection kit (I'm picturing a happy meal box with sharps in it.). She is to take it to an able body who puts the blood into viles and drops it back in the mail. We should know in about a week if she is a match to my bone marrow. She assures me that she is consuming enough chocolate and Dr. Pepper to be a perfect match. If she is, she watches Trading Spaces for 4 hours while IVs in her arms take out (and put back in) the pretty, pretty blood. We can then proceed with a bone marrow transplant (hereafter known as a BMT...not to be confused with a BLT) in about a month. The BMT requires chemo for a few days to wipe out my ever-lovin' bone marrow, followed by a 30 minute IV transfusion of the new- and- improved marrow. The doctor said that I can expect to be in the hospital for a few weeks with minimal interaction with humans and germs. If kiddos are healthy, I may be able to see them. After that, I may be able to stay in an apartment within walking distance from the hospital. After THAT (whew!), I can move to Van's mom's house in Duncanville, and then on to Waco. That totals maybe 4 months??? He said to expect some bumps in the road such as infections. Maybe 2 more months in Waco to completely be med-free, and I should have total strength by the time Cade has his first day of Kindergarten.

We've again feel like we've been kicked in the gut. Then, amazingly enough, the Lord gives us ample strength to take a deep breath and move forward.

We are praying for HEALING. Then, because we feel like we have to make some plans, we are praying for my sister to match, for Avi to take a bottle and for everyone to stay free of germs.

We feel very loved and supported. We're hoping to retain some sort of normalcy for Van and the kiddos, and feel that the Lord will help with that, too.

Antsies in our Pantsies

Somewhere in I Peter the Bible says, "Cast your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." We did not receive the miracle of healing that we were asking for. The diagnosis of MDS sticks, confirmed by a second bone marrow biopsy. So, we are headed to UT Southwestern in Dallas to consult with a bone marrow transplant specialist (next week?). I told Van that it is hard to find the silver lining in this one, but he responded that this cruddy illness is completely curable with the tough treatment. Oh, goody. Really, though, I'm glad he can be positive and hopeful. That will help us all get through this. Now we are not only asking God for merciful healing but also to be with our family during what will certainly be a challenging time.

All the troops waiting for action can contact Carrie D. to sign up for babysitting. Thanks, y'all.

A bit of normal

The kids and I have been at the house a lot lately. Zane, Avi and I all managed to get a cold, but it isn't too bad. I have felt however, that I put down one child just to pick up another. Despite the cold, my blood counts are stable. We are thankful. We haven't been able to go to our usual places (YMCA, church, children's museum, etc.), but when we have gotten out for a drive, Zane (who does not speak much--at least not much that we can understand) yells, "OTHER WAY! OTHER WAY!" I'm not sure exactly where he is trying to go, but it is hilarious.

Avi is very proud of her crawling and can now get half of herself up onto a floor pillow or dig in her toy basket. She regularly checks under the kitchen table for stray Cheerios, and I'm afraid she finds more than that.

Cade, ah, sweet Cade...We are butting heads a lot. I tell myself each morning to just love on him, but it doesn't take long before we are at odds. He has so many great ideas that involve destruction or injury. The genius in him can design such wonderful gadgets, but the four-year-old in him cannot predict the outcome. This morning, he wanted to swing from his monkey tail (my velvet belt) that he had secured to the top of the bunk bed. I asked him not to, but when I was out of sight, he made his move. A piercing scream followed. He was devastated that his monkey tail broke. I was so relieved.

Although this week has been more normal than the past few weeks because we are simply praying for healing and waiting on the bone marrow biopsy results, I've been thinking a lot about a song that was stuck in my head during the 2004-2005 ordeal. We were given the opportunity to sing it the other night while we were gathered at a friend's house for prayer, so I have a copy of the song sheet in front of me thanks to my organized friends:

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord blessed be Your name

Two Week Vacation

We have not gone to Dallas yet, nor do we have an appointment there.

Instead, I went back to Temple today to have another bone marrow biopsy. We were excited (mostly) to do this because it gave us another opportunity to pray for complete healing before undergoing a bone marrow transplant. (There is some confusion about the MDS diagnosis.) We are confident that the Lord is able to heal, and that He would delight in healing me. We are so thankful to all who have prayed for us, and are thankful to the One who hears.

Some have asked what exactly is involved in a biopsy. I can't be for certain because they take a sample from the hip bone above my bum. However, I'm pretty sure that it involves something like a dull corkscrew. I was complimented today that I have very hard bones. Well, thank you. It isn't too painful except for a few seconds of the process. They take the marrow and look at it from all angles for about two weeks. The pathologists are looking for chromosomal abnormalities. So, aside for a couple of easy-cheesy blood draws here in Waco, we have a two week vacation from doc appointments.

We are still simply praying for complete healing. The contingency prayers can wait. If the bone marrow biopsy shows abnormalities, we will then have to make an appointment in Dallas, if not, then, woo-hoo!

In other news, I fed Avi sweet potatoes for supper and realized that they are the exact same color as her hair! Pretty handy for a messy eater. She has discovered the joy of dragging a toy as she crawls, and really favored a Nerf ball today.

Zane and Cade are now in bunk beds. They feel very big. Our dear friends who are moving to England for tropical disease training and on to Uganda for mission work gave them to us for a sweet deal. Zane is loving being able to get in and out to choose his own books and toys. Tonight he went to sleep with a baby doll tucked beside him. Cade is working on the art of negotiation, and my patience is being tried. I can definitely understand how, "BECAUSE I SAID TO!" came about.

I35 (in the other direction)

We met with the myleodysplasia doc in Temple today. Very kind and capable. He instructed me to start exercising again and to not lose weight. Guess which one of these is the easiest. He also made a big deal about patient advocacy in working with insurance.

He is referring us to a bone marrow transplant specialist at UT Southwestern in Dallas who is his favorite in the country. We should have an appt next week. In the meantime, we are having weekly blood draws and lots of prayer.

Prayer is the Plan

Tomorrow is our big day. At 2:00 we meet with the doc in Temple. Van wisely asked me what I am hoping to hear from him. This stumped me pretty well, because I am torn between knowing that God can heal me from the get-go, and having seen the photos of my damaged bone marrow. So, in shaky faith, I am hoping to hear, "There's nothing wrong with you. Get out of here and go home to chase some children."

We're asking everyone to pray tomorrow--big time. Remember the petitions that we send around asking for a speed bump on our street or something like that? I'm asking you to "sign" the petition to the Father asking for my healing knowing that He is a fixer of brokenness. At 6:30 we are gathering with a small group to ask again. And we are asking yet again with our church elders on Wednesday.

We have been trying to not get to much ahead of ourselves in planning for being hospitalized or whatever "ifs" arise. Prayer is our plan.