It is days like this that make it hard to remember how far we have come. I have a blood clot in my leg that will make life more complicated for awhile. The troops are on their way. Mom and Dad (as well as Van's mom next week) are back at it. Humbling. Van had to cancel his conference (and fishing) plans in Jackson Hole for tomorrow. I was so sad for him to have to do this. There will be other opportunities, I know, but he could have really used some mountains and quiet.
I'm pretty puny with the leg swollen up, my bladder infection, and the effects of coming off of the steroid. Today, I was also just so bummed that Van ran the show, made a thousand telephone calls and filled sippy cups by himself while I read books and watched cartoons with kids. It was so great for him to be home to do this, but it was really tough, too, especially in the morning. We did better in the afternoon when we had a little bit of a plan. Cade played with Legos for nearly an hour without moving, and Zane was on his airplane (one of two--the other is at the 'mchanic) working on the motor with his baby racoon. Avi slept for a blissful 2 1/2 hours, and woke up happy.
We have to remember that these are temporary setbacks, and that we've made it through the big stuff as well as some recent big treatments. Bumps in the road. We are so thankful for family and friends and the Lord who brings us together. We pray for healing and for joyful hearts who seek His kingdom first.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
God is good. All the time.
I'm listening to Johnny Cash read the book of James over and over. "Count it all joy when you fall into various trials..." Ugh. Again???? I've had a bladder infection for more than a week now. It is not responding to antibiotics, so I'm remembering to pray again. Kiddos were crazy this weekend, so it was challenging. I'm also off of steroids completely, so I was pretty grumpy and puny. As long as I'm complaining, it is so dad-gum hot outside. It makes it difficult for someone like me who can't get in the sunlight much (15 hours of sunlight a day this week!), can't swim with kiddos, and has kids that are ready to go somewhere and move around on a hot afternoon. Swew. Okay. Enough of that.
Had a great time with my sister. The kids were great, and she was great.
Please pray that my bladder infection will go bye-bye. I'm out of computer time. More later.
Had a great time with my sister. The kids were great, and she was great.
Please pray that my bladder infection will go bye-bye. I'm out of computer time. More later.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Blessings
LAURA STORY - "BLESSINGS"
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Touching song, isn’t it? It has been a couple of months of honest-to-goodness trials for our family, and although we’ve been shakey, our Lord has been solid as a rock, unchanging, the God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob all those years ago.
I’ve been getting more and more good news. All of the complications/setbacks are resolving, and we expect that I will now be spending most of my time in Waco instead of Dallas-a big flip flop. This is wonderful and comes with new transitions as well. I’m a bit nervous about keeping the children swept and the house fed. Oh, shoot. Well, it certainly didn’t always happen before all of this, either! Actually, I am looking forward to being the nurturer again. It will be great, and I’m kicking out as many helpers as I can.
I will tell you what I do not like. I do not like Puppy Dog Eyes. These are the eyes of people who spot me or stare at me in a store or library or wherever and look with pity and then seek to have a conversation. Sometimes the comments are truly strange, and I don’t know how to handle it. I am shy by nature, and I am completely socially inept after being away from the public for months, so these situations are really awkward. I am finding though, that if I wait long enough, they’ll quit asking me personal questions (which I now feel okay about being vague) and tell me about their friend/family member that is dealing with some kind of health issue—which is what they really wanted to get off their chest. They are seeking someone with whom they can identify. I’ve had a person break down in the MIDDLE of the main aisle in Target, and then a daughter whisked them away before I had much of a chance to respond at all or go to the side and pray. I have no idea what to do with this, so I continue to be awkward, pray for them after the fact, and study my grocery list.
That said, I had a good laugh at my awkward self a few days ago. I was navigating a very nice, cramped neighborhood in Van’s Ford F150 with a giant iced tea. I was so thirsty after dehydrating myself for a 4.5 hour locked-to-the-machine treatment. Well, the cup split down the side, but not all the way. It was slowly filling up Van’s cup holder, and I was leaning over at stoplights using the straw as fast as I could while cute little convertibles and every nice car you can think of was picking up their child from school and probably wondering what was that person in the giant truck doing? Are they having problems? Should I call the authorities? Do they need an ambulance? Too funny. I had one paper towel, and not a drop was spilt!
Because my apartment time and nice cramped neighborhood time is drawing to a rapid close, so is my project time! (Not sure when I’ll be officially out, but I won’t be there hardly at all next week—just some driving?) Most of the time, we have endless cycles of dishes and laundry, so it is really nice to have a completion. In bits and pieces I’ve been able to take care of some little things that have piled up over the years such as repairing Van’s grandmother’s tattered tablecloth, organizing CDs, repairing toys and mending costumes. I also was surprised to get purple chewing gum out of Cade’s white fuzzy baby blanket that he had in the NICU. Goo Gone is AMAZING. I would be a spokesperson for them after trying so many other methods. Next, I’m going to attack the back seat of the minivan with it. I'm not sure what Zane has done with it!
I have a few hours today and tomorrow to pin together Van’s T-shirt quilt that I started forever ago. It wasn’t entirely my fault that I procrastinated! I’ve asked for one more shirt for the corner for the last 7 years, and I got it two days ago. I won’t have time to sew it together completely, but the hardest part of making something large is the children sitting/sliding/sledding on it when it is supposed to be flat on the floor and I’m measuring and cutting. It won’t be the awesomest ever, but it will be special to him, and it is backed with really soft material. It has football shirts from high school, Boy's State, some vacation shirts and one from med school. Also, I’m 2/3 finished with making very simple (but hemmed and washable) bible costumes for my friend’s VBS class in July. There will be 12 in all, and they are turning out pretty cute. My IV pole runs very smoothly at the sewing machine-it likes it!, and the new sewing machine has not even given me a hiccup, so it has been very enjoyable. It reminds me of The Three Amigos, “Sew! Sew like the wind!”
Kiddos are doing very well. Cade and Zane are having morning vacation bible school (complete with half of Cade’s kindergarten class and teacher “but she’s not my teacher at vbs” (brief sad face). Sweet thing.) and swim lessons in the late afternoon. I booked the grandparents nicely, didn’t I? Avi is content to go to Home Depot with Papa.
Next week is full of “CarlyDanielandElise.” These are the cousins that better get over their cold so they can come and entertain my children who have been asking every ten minutes when they will arrive. I’m hoping to get to spend a lot of time with the whole crew and my sister. It is guaranteed to be crazy fun.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Touching song, isn’t it? It has been a couple of months of honest-to-goodness trials for our family, and although we’ve been shakey, our Lord has been solid as a rock, unchanging, the God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob all those years ago.
I’ve been getting more and more good news. All of the complications/setbacks are resolving, and we expect that I will now be spending most of my time in Waco instead of Dallas-a big flip flop. This is wonderful and comes with new transitions as well. I’m a bit nervous about keeping the children swept and the house fed. Oh, shoot. Well, it certainly didn’t always happen before all of this, either! Actually, I am looking forward to being the nurturer again. It will be great, and I’m kicking out as many helpers as I can.
I will tell you what I do not like. I do not like Puppy Dog Eyes. These are the eyes of people who spot me or stare at me in a store or library or wherever and look with pity and then seek to have a conversation. Sometimes the comments are truly strange, and I don’t know how to handle it. I am shy by nature, and I am completely socially inept after being away from the public for months, so these situations are really awkward. I am finding though, that if I wait long enough, they’ll quit asking me personal questions (which I now feel okay about being vague) and tell me about their friend/family member that is dealing with some kind of health issue—which is what they really wanted to get off their chest. They are seeking someone with whom they can identify. I’ve had a person break down in the MIDDLE of the main aisle in Target, and then a daughter whisked them away before I had much of a chance to respond at all or go to the side and pray. I have no idea what to do with this, so I continue to be awkward, pray for them after the fact, and study my grocery list.
That said, I had a good laugh at my awkward self a few days ago. I was navigating a very nice, cramped neighborhood in Van’s Ford F150 with a giant iced tea. I was so thirsty after dehydrating myself for a 4.5 hour locked-to-the-machine treatment. Well, the cup split down the side, but not all the way. It was slowly filling up Van’s cup holder, and I was leaning over at stoplights using the straw as fast as I could while cute little convertibles and every nice car you can think of was picking up their child from school and probably wondering what was that person in the giant truck doing? Are they having problems? Should I call the authorities? Do they need an ambulance? Too funny. I had one paper towel, and not a drop was spilt!
Because my apartment time and nice cramped neighborhood time is drawing to a rapid close, so is my project time! (Not sure when I’ll be officially out, but I won’t be there hardly at all next week—just some driving?) Most of the time, we have endless cycles of dishes and laundry, so it is really nice to have a completion. In bits and pieces I’ve been able to take care of some little things that have piled up over the years such as repairing Van’s grandmother’s tattered tablecloth, organizing CDs, repairing toys and mending costumes. I also was surprised to get purple chewing gum out of Cade’s white fuzzy baby blanket that he had in the NICU. Goo Gone is AMAZING. I would be a spokesperson for them after trying so many other methods. Next, I’m going to attack the back seat of the minivan with it. I'm not sure what Zane has done with it!
I have a few hours today and tomorrow to pin together Van’s T-shirt quilt that I started forever ago. It wasn’t entirely my fault that I procrastinated! I’ve asked for one more shirt for the corner for the last 7 years, and I got it two days ago. I won’t have time to sew it together completely, but the hardest part of making something large is the children sitting/sliding/sledding on it when it is supposed to be flat on the floor and I’m measuring and cutting. It won’t be the awesomest ever, but it will be special to him, and it is backed with really soft material. It has football shirts from high school, Boy's State, some vacation shirts and one from med school. Also, I’m 2/3 finished with making very simple (but hemmed and washable) bible costumes for my friend’s VBS class in July. There will be 12 in all, and they are turning out pretty cute. My IV pole runs very smoothly at the sewing machine-it likes it!, and the new sewing machine has not even given me a hiccup, so it has been very enjoyable. It reminds me of The Three Amigos, “Sew! Sew like the wind!”
Kiddos are doing very well. Cade and Zane are having morning vacation bible school (complete with half of Cade’s kindergarten class and teacher “but she’s not my teacher at vbs” (brief sad face). Sweet thing.) and swim lessons in the late afternoon. I booked the grandparents nicely, didn’t I? Avi is content to go to Home Depot with Papa.
Next week is full of “CarlyDanielandElise.” These are the cousins that better get over their cold so they can come and entertain my children who have been asking every ten minutes when they will arrive. I’m hoping to get to spend a lot of time with the whole crew and my sister. It is guaranteed to be crazy fun.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Good news!
Psalm 81:10 skip a few 16
"I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it...he would have fed them with the finest of wheat; And with honey from the rock I would have satisfied you." (Read: I opened my mouth wide, and God filled me up with good stuff!)
Did I ever tell you how much I love my home IV pole? And, yes, I am really growing attached to the extra 4 hour IV twice a week in the doc office. Today, I did both again, wondering if it was the last time. Neither had made my virus counts budge in the last month++, so both the PA, the doc, the ID doc and I made a Plan D to start a new, harder, more side effects/risks IV tomorrow. Problem was, there was a shortage of the Plan D medicine, so it would have to be done either in the hospital or at the doc office (no home health), and they were having a hard time getting through the red tape. We've been toying with that part for at least a week. (This virus is one that everyone carries around, but it is just a problem with me because I have a low immunity, sort of.)
Today, I went in about 8am, finished at noon and literally waited until 4:30 until my viral counts came back because the docs and I knew it needed to be a face-to-face conversation (and they might have kidnapped me for another infusion or something). For the first time in weeks, the counts were much lower- less than half! Plan D is cancelled until further notice, and I "get" to keep my IV pole and my twice a week doc IV! Ye-haw! Who says desperate, "please, please, please" prayers don't work and that God only cares about the "big" stuff? Cade reminded me that God can fix things instantly, and I am a believer after today.
(What does one do for a full day waiting in a doctor's office? I previewed some children's literature for gifts and for my own kids, downloaded some audio books, uploaded some photos, emailed my mom twenty times, started a perpetual birthday list, ate my sack lunch-I've learned to ALWAYS leave home with food!, etc. Pretty much the life of luxury if it just weren't in a plastic chair with beeping all around.)
Knock out skin problems Step 1. Lower steroids Step 2. Knock out virus Step 3. We're moving along! These are all in progress, but they are all actually progressing rapidly at this point! The problems and medicines play off of each other, too, so as one gets better, they all get better, praise the Lord. I even got my first break this week from the blood treatment machine. Bliss. I'm taking Van's truck in for an oil change instead--where do you get an oil change in Dallas? Surely they do that here.
Enough of that. Cade was adorable at his kinder graduation on Friday, and I was so thankful to be there. I was so proud of all the graduates and how much they have grown over the last year. I was also thankful for his caring and capable teacher and all of the staff that makes his school a super place to be. It really feels like a good decision for our children to be raised in that environment. His favorite part was shaking the principal's hand. My favorite part was seeing him sing and dance like a little go-getter in the music program. Cute, cute.
Van and I took advantage of the extra grandparent time and talked to a builder. We also looked at a couple of new homes to get an idea of what we would like to build. It was really wonderful and overwhelming at the same time. During the weekend Cade went to 3! wonderful birthday parties (one boot camp and two swimming), and Mom and Dad took Zane and Avi to splash parks and even a kiddie amusement park that I have never managed to get to. Grandparents are the coolest. I cleaned out the children's winter clothes and bagged them, so needless to say, by Saturday night I was grumpy and pooped, and Cade went on a funny social buzz for a few and then was ready for bed. This weekend I pledge to not do all that! One of my favorite times was playing Candy Land with the kiddos. Van dished out the cards, and I kept hands off the board. The one with the most self-control was Avi who moved her Dora two purples at a time until she won the blasted game. When she was napping and grandparents were at a movie & Van was swimming at the Y, Cade & Zane & I fixed peanut butter cookies. Here's the recipe we used. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Easy-Whole-Wheat-Peanut-Butter-Cookies/Detail.aspx I just dropped the goopy dough, and it worked just fine. Also, I should have waited until it cooled to try to eat it, because it just fell apart. Doesn't everyone eat cookies with a spoon, though? Crazy busy weekend.
Van is on call this week, and his mom is taking care of all 3 all day now that Cade is finished with school. Also, I scheduled swimming lessons for both boys this week. Wasn't that kind of me?
We should all settle down pretty soon, and I should feel better soon! Thank you, Jesus.
"I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it...he would have fed them with the finest of wheat; And with honey from the rock I would have satisfied you." (Read: I opened my mouth wide, and God filled me up with good stuff!)
Did I ever tell you how much I love my home IV pole? And, yes, I am really growing attached to the extra 4 hour IV twice a week in the doc office. Today, I did both again, wondering if it was the last time. Neither had made my virus counts budge in the last month++, so both the PA, the doc, the ID doc and I made a Plan D to start a new, harder, more side effects/risks IV tomorrow. Problem was, there was a shortage of the Plan D medicine, so it would have to be done either in the hospital or at the doc office (no home health), and they were having a hard time getting through the red tape. We've been toying with that part for at least a week. (This virus is one that everyone carries around, but it is just a problem with me because I have a low immunity, sort of.)
Today, I went in about 8am, finished at noon and literally waited until 4:30 until my viral counts came back because the docs and I knew it needed to be a face-to-face conversation (and they might have kidnapped me for another infusion or something). For the first time in weeks, the counts were much lower- less than half! Plan D is cancelled until further notice, and I "get" to keep my IV pole and my twice a week doc IV! Ye-haw! Who says desperate, "please, please, please" prayers don't work and that God only cares about the "big" stuff? Cade reminded me that God can fix things instantly, and I am a believer after today.
(What does one do for a full day waiting in a doctor's office? I previewed some children's literature for gifts and for my own kids, downloaded some audio books, uploaded some photos, emailed my mom twenty times, started a perpetual birthday list, ate my sack lunch-I've learned to ALWAYS leave home with food!, etc. Pretty much the life of luxury if it just weren't in a plastic chair with beeping all around.)
Knock out skin problems Step 1. Lower steroids Step 2. Knock out virus Step 3. We're moving along! These are all in progress, but they are all actually progressing rapidly at this point! The problems and medicines play off of each other, too, so as one gets better, they all get better, praise the Lord. I even got my first break this week from the blood treatment machine. Bliss. I'm taking Van's truck in for an oil change instead--where do you get an oil change in Dallas? Surely they do that here.
Enough of that. Cade was adorable at his kinder graduation on Friday, and I was so thankful to be there. I was so proud of all the graduates and how much they have grown over the last year. I was also thankful for his caring and capable teacher and all of the staff that makes his school a super place to be. It really feels like a good decision for our children to be raised in that environment. His favorite part was shaking the principal's hand. My favorite part was seeing him sing and dance like a little go-getter in the music program. Cute, cute.
Van and I took advantage of the extra grandparent time and talked to a builder. We also looked at a couple of new homes to get an idea of what we would like to build. It was really wonderful and overwhelming at the same time. During the weekend Cade went to 3! wonderful birthday parties (one boot camp and two swimming), and Mom and Dad took Zane and Avi to splash parks and even a kiddie amusement park that I have never managed to get to. Grandparents are the coolest. I cleaned out the children's winter clothes and bagged them, so needless to say, by Saturday night I was grumpy and pooped, and Cade went on a funny social buzz for a few and then was ready for bed. This weekend I pledge to not do all that! One of my favorite times was playing Candy Land with the kiddos. Van dished out the cards, and I kept hands off the board. The one with the most self-control was Avi who moved her Dora two purples at a time until she won the blasted game. When she was napping and grandparents were at a movie & Van was swimming at the Y, Cade & Zane & I fixed peanut butter cookies. Here's the recipe we used. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Easy-Whole-Wheat-Peanut-Butter-Cookies/Detail.aspx I just dropped the goopy dough, and it worked just fine. Also, I should have waited until it cooled to try to eat it, because it just fell apart. Doesn't everyone eat cookies with a spoon, though? Crazy busy weekend.
Van is on call this week, and his mom is taking care of all 3 all day now that Cade is finished with school. Also, I scheduled swimming lessons for both boys this week. Wasn't that kind of me?
We should all settle down pretty soon, and I should feel better soon! Thank you, Jesus.
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